Leading with Love

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Yesterday I spoke at our local Rotary Club about my trip to Israel.  I traveled to Israel with colleagues from JDLA, which is a consulting group that helps the philanthropic sector reach its potential.  A theme of my Israel presentation was philanthropy.  Philanthropy at its core means “love of mankind.”  When we hear someone being referred to as a philanthropist, often our first thoughts are that “they must give away a lot of money.”  However, when you truly love someone, your relationship is more than just giving money.

Leading with Passion

Philanthropy is your specific outlet to show love to other people.  What drives you to love another person?  It is a passion.  So when you think about a focus for your love, what would that mission look like?  There are so many outlets and ways to show love to people.  In fact, I know that in my small community, there are over 400 not-for-profit organizations.  So, when seeking an outlet to demonstrate love for others, go with your passion.

Leading with Money & Time

Giving love to others also goes beyond giving money.  Think about it.  When you love someone, what other things do you tend to give to them?  You give them your time.  I know that my kids appreciate it when I give them gifts or money.  However, what kids most crave from us is our time.  They appreciate it when we serve them or just spend time being with them.  When you decide to be a philanthropist remember to give financially, but go beyond.  When you are passionate about something, you will also volunteer your time.

Leading with Advocacy

What else do you do when you really love someone?  You talk about them and glow when sharing about them.  This is called advocacy.  A philanthropist shares with passion about their mission.  Out tour guide in Israel, Andrey, was an advocate for youth in Israel.  When he would talk about serving Israeli youth, you could see the passion flowing out of him.  You could also see how this came from him giving of his time to be with youth and using his gifting and talent as a tour guide to take youth on special trips.

Leading with Social Capital

A philanthropist who loves with their treasures, gifts and spirit also gains something powerful.  It is called social capital.  At the core of loving someone is a relationship.  The network of loving relationships focused on a shared vision and values is the powerful social capital of philanthropy.  When I was in Israel, I had the privilege of staying with Ann.  She is a true philanthropist.  Because of her passion for her mission, it shows in her giving of money, time and advocacy.  She has built powerful social capital, which she uses to further her mission.  In fact one of the NPO’s that she leads is focused on connecting people.

So when being a philanthropist, give fully and completely to what you love.  Define your passion and then give of your money, time and advocacy.  Build relationships and love one another.

Questions to ponder:

  • When you serve on a board or volunteer, is it connected to your passion?
  • How do you advocate for the mission of an organization for which you have a passion?
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Steps for Leading Out of Listening in Daily Life

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I had mentioned in a previous newsletter that in March I had a wonderful opportunity to travel to Israel.  As I have had time to reflect, there is much that I have taken away from this experience.  After the trip, many people have asked me about it.  I started to notice a question that I was asked repeatedly: “Are you going to do a presentation on your trip?”

When I am asked a question multiple times or see a theme emerge in interactions with others and circumstances, I take this as an indication that I need to reflect on this question and/ or theme.  This is part of the process I am using in taking time to listen within and also be open to watching around me.

As I thought about doing a presentation, my first question was: “What would be the purpose?”  Another key to listening and watching is not just to do something as an immediate reaction but to tie our actions to a meaningful direction.  So, I then had to pose this question within myself, reflect, wait and see what answers came.  In this case, my reason for going to Israel was highly connected to the objective of philanthropy.

To just “do” a presentation on Israel would be “nice,” but I don’t want to live life just doing good things.  I want to live life purposefully.    Using my trip to further explain philanthropy at a deeper level sparked a desire within me.  Now, this could be a reason to do a presentation.

So, my next step was then to ask trusted others for their feedback. What is their reaction to me providing a presentation of my trip to Israel connected to philanthropy?  Notice that I did not ask for others feedback as my first step.  I took time to listen within first.  But after listening within, there is also power in listening to others.  This is where I see if I gain confirmations or “push-backs.”  Then, I listen some more.  Do I feel resolute in moving forward on the idea?  Or do I need to listen, wait and refine more?

In this case, I felt confirmed in moving forward.  However, when I listen for direction with issues, this is not always the case.  I currently have another issue where I am seeking direction, but keep getting push-back to wait.  Waiting is hard for me.  I like resolution.  I like putting a “check mark” and moving forward.

Waiting requires me to trust outside of myself.  I don’t like feeling the loss of control.  However, I know too well that when I push something just for my own control or resolution, the results are not good.  Usually, I end up having no results and really the more important indicator is that I end up feeling burned out and depleted.

So in summary, here are some steps in applying reflecting.

  • REFLECT & LISTEN within
  • WATCH for themes in interaction with other people and circumstances in daily life
  • ASK during a time of refection:  What does this mean?… What is the purpose?… Where do I feel peace?…  Where do I feel resistance?
  • LISTEN & WAIT for direction
  • CHECK-OUT for confirmation or feedback from trusted others
  • MOVE or WAIT more
  • CONTINUE to reflect & listen whether moving on an idea or waiting
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Tools to Keep You from Tripping over Leadership

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In a previous article, I discussed the power of reflecting to keep leaders connected to their values and protected from ethical failures.  So where do you begin when it comes to reflecting?  A great tool is to use a journal.  Writing gives us “something to do” in the midst of an activity that can seem abstract.

Kathleen Adams, who is an expert in journal writing, has stated that journal writing “lets us literally read our own minds (and also our hearts and souls)” and also “helps us develop authentic voice.”  Kathleen gives these Seven Guidelines to get you started with journal writing:

  1. Forget the “rules.”  Penmanship, grammar, spelling are not important.  Write what and however you want.
  2. Start with a quieting process to move from “out there” to “in here” – breathing, visualizing, focusing, relaxing.
  3. Date every entry.  It allows for chronological reconstruction.  And it makes it easier to track cycles, patterns, trends.
  4. Write quickly … so quickly that the dreaded Inner Critic or censor can’t catch up.
  5. Tell the truth … even when it is difficult, scary or negative.
  6. Protect privacy.  Store the journal is a special place.
  7. Give permission.  Use different journal techniques, allow for personal preference, and find a style that works.

As a way of getting started it is helpful to use a prompt.  You could do an exercise to reflect on your day.  Some examples are:

  • I did well in leading today by …
  • I did not do well in leading today by …
  • I acted out my organizations core value by …
  • My next step is to…

It is also helpful to get to our emotions during reflection.  Sometimes our emotions can be warning signs to items that could lead us astray.  Some example prompts are:

  • I am fearful of…
  • I am anxious about …
  • I am angry about …
  • This keeps me awake at night when I think about …

Other ways to jump start your writing is to read a book on leadership, but then purposely take time to write about how it applies to you.  Or take one of your personal values or a core value from your organization and write about what that value means to you.

E.M. Forester says, “How do I know what I think until I see what I say.”  Journal writing is a great way to provide accountability for a leader.  You learn much about yourself and also often have the benefit of a solution rising to the surface to a problem you have been contemplating.

Another step to accountability with self-reflection is to meet with another trusted person with whom you can share your thoughts and struggles.  It is much better to get our struggles out on paper and with another person, then to end up tripping over it by acting out in tragic behavior.

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How to Keep from Tripping Over Leadership

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We seem to constantly hear about leaders who lose their way by committing ethical failures that ruin their career and organization.  Hewlett-Packard CEO, Mark Hurd, submitted false expense reports and had to resign.  U.S. Senator John Ensign used monetary payoffs to cover up an extramarital affair.  The list could go on.

It is easy to think that they are different and that would not happen to me.  But, do you ever wonder if Mark Hurd and John Ensign thought those same thoughts about others who fell before them?  And now here it happens to them.  How do we keep from tripping and then falling within leadership?

Bill George, Harvard Business Professor, writes, “Leaders who lose their way are not necessarily bad people, rather, they lose their moral bearings, often yielding to seductions in their paths.  Very few people go into leadership roles to cheat or do evil, yet we all have the capacity for actions we deeply regret unless we stay grounded.”  Bill George recommends that leaders participate in self-reflection and keep connected to their values.

Self-Reflection Applied

As I work with many leaders, when I mention the need to set time for reflection, you can see them cringe.  It is not that they see themselves as above reflection time or that it is bad.  They readily admit that they desperately need it.  The reality is that taking time to be quiet and reflect is a hard discipline.  And, I use the word ‘discipline’ purposely.

The dictionary defines discipline as “a training, exercise or regime that develops or improves a skill.”  When I first started to run for exercise, it was agony.  I was using muscles, I was not use to.  However, the more I kept to the discipline of running regularly, the easier it became.  I also benefited from the results of health which motivated me more in the discipline.

Reflection is similar.  Reflection is taking time to listen within one’s self.  This requires time to be still and quiet.  However, leaders are driven to move, so to ask them to do an exercise that causes them to slow down is like agony.  But if you keep to it, the benefits of keeping grounded to your moral compass are well worth it.

So, how do you self-reflect?  In a future blog, I will provide some practical applications on how to self-reflect.  But, first it would be interesting to hear from you.  What does self-reflection look like for you?

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Generating Greater Performance Through Listening

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“Every so often a Celtics game would heat up so that it became more than a physical game or even mental game, and would be magical.  That feeling is difficult to describe, and I certainly never talked about it when I was playing.  When it happened, I could feel my play rise to a new level.” – Bill Russell (key basketball player of the Boston Celtics team that won 11 championships in 13 years)

We hear about certain people who reach a level of “greatness,” like Bill Russell.  We wonder how do they do that and wish we could bring our own “game” in life to that level.   With athletes it is well known that getting to the top of their game is more than just being physically fit.  Your top athletes are able to go to deep states of attention and awareness that allow them to perform at a whole other level.

Dr. C. Otto Scharmer is a Senior Lecturer at Massachusetts Institute of Technology and also founding co-director of the Emerging Leaders for Innovations Across Systems (ELIAS).  He has researched about how top awareness states can be applied to leadership.  His book “U Theory” goes into greater depth about his study and application.

Dr. Scharmer states, “We know a great deal about what leaders do and how they do it.  But we know very little about the inner place, the source from which they operate.  Successful leadership depends on the quality of attention and intention that the leader brings to any situation.  Two leaders in the same circumstances doing the same thing can bring about completely different outcomes, depending on the inner place from which each operates.”  Dr. Scharmer has studied how leaders focus their attention and has discovered four levels of listening that form the root to awareness, which eventually leads to performance.

As I have reflected on Dr. Scharmer’s four types of listening, it has made me think about how I make decisions.  The times that I have made the best decisions are when I have disciplined myself to go to the deepest level of listening.  Below is an application of the four levels of listening as I have seen applied to decision making.

Listening 1: Downloading

Listening 1 is where you do something based on what you already know.  When I try to make a decision at listening 1, it tends to be based on a habit of thought that I was taught in my past.  For example, if I am trying to make a decision about how to spend money, these taught concepts may come to mind:  “A responsible person saves their money for a rainy day.” Or “It is better to give than to receive.”  My mind is not listening.  Instead, I am just trying to follow the rules of my past.  So, I go into auto pilot and do what I have always done, whether or not it is the effective choice.  Or, I get stuck in my decision making if I feel that the taught concepts of my past contradict each other.

Listening 2: Factual

At level 2, I try to make a decision, based just on the facts.  I listen to data outside of me, but turn off my inner voice.  What is the most logical choice?  However, I know that facts and figures give only one side of the story.  When I make a decision based just on facts, I often miss the awareness of greater opportunities.  For example with business, we can make monetary decisions just based on spreadsheets, but is this money really creating the most effective outcome?

Listening 3: Empathetic

At listening 3, I listen to other people and understand their experience.  This gives greater insight.  I now move outside of myself and beyond just my own agenda.  The synergy of relationship pushes my understanding and awareness to a deeper level.  However, at this level I must be careful not to make a decision based solely on the experience of the other person, which is not the full picture.  My awareness must still go deeper.

Listening 4: Generative

At listening 4, I listen deeper within myself.  This is where creativity and new solutions I never realized before happen.  My values, fact finding and input from others all combine as a resource in this level but there is a greater understanding that comes from this deeper level of listening within.  When applied, this is where peak performance happens.  Not only is a better decision found but a whole new level of understanding and foundation for generating a better solution is spawned.  And the best part is the sense of peace, quietness, confidence and authenticity that accompany this level of awareness.

Listening can seem so simple, yet there is a depth to it that is so rich if we take the time to develop it.  It is a discipline that takes focused practice and work.  But it might just be the most beneficial art that you ever achieve.  It could just take you to peak performance.

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