“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? … Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you… it is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let out light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” – Marianne Williamson
“Who are you?” In my last article, we touched upon the concept of an identity statement as s solution to overcoming the myth of competence in order to lead with excellence. An identity statement at its core defines who you are. It is not what you do. This difference between being and doing is what makes defining an identity statement difficult for most people. This is because we live in a culture that defines us by what we do. Often when we meet a person for the first time, we exchange names, and what is the very next question? It is: “What do you do for a living?” The way we introduce ourselves and therefore define ourselves is by telling people what our careers are. We state that our identity is what we do.
What Is an Identity Statement
Because of this struggle, I often have people start with identifying a personal vision statement, which has roots to their purpose. A purpose is often an intersection between your strengths and your passions. (I discuss how to define personal vision in my secrets of transformation series.) Because strengths and passions (desires) are more concrete, we can more easily define them. They also tend to be connected more to doing. For example, my purpose statement is to listen, coach and inspire others to act in faith.
This concept of identity being based on what you do is very common among the middle class. If you were to ask a wealthy person what they do, you would have just committed a major faux pas because the wealthy don’t base their identity on their careers. In fact, with being independently wealthy, they may not have a career. Instead their identity is based on who they are, often connected to family lines or networks of people.
How to Develop an Identity Statement
So, pretend you are independently wealthy. None of who you are needs to be based on a career or any of the roles you have in life. Roles, such as profession, family, hobbies, are just outlets for your purpose in life. Identity is deeper. Ask yourself, “Who are you?” Now, this is not a time to play small. Let your light shine. You may get a picture or a metaphor instead of words.
A great example of an identity statement comes from the book, A Little Princess, by Frances Hodgson Burnett. It is the story of a child who grows up with a strong identity placed in her by her father that she is a princess. She is not a literal princess, but it is an identity metaphor that represents her inherent personal value. During some troubling circumstances she is separated from her Father and left destitute. Others treat her as though she is nothing. But this does not impact her outlook on life. She remains optimistic because she knows that she is a princess and this guides her behaviors and actions with hope, not the circumstances around her. She leads herself with excellence.
So maybe your identity is being a princess. I know of another person who has the identity of being a world class pairs figure skater. She can’t even ice skate, but this picture speaks depths within her of who she is. I know someone else whose identity is connected to a picture of a sunset. This picture speaks depth into her being.
So, take time to explore what your identity statement would be. It might be good to give yourself a retreat day. Take time to listen within. What desires come to the surface? How could these desires connect more to who you are instead of what you do? Also, give yourself time to discover. You could discover it in an hour, but it also may take a process of reflecting over time. Then use it as a foundation of who you are to lead with excellence. Please share what you discover!