Recently I was meeting with an executive and his leadership team. One of his team members discussed a personal change that he has been focusing on for his leadership development. This leader admitted that he often is driven to achieve and accomplish tasks to the detriment of investing in relationships with others. At the end of the day he wants to feel more satisfaction in the people he has impacted through leadership than just in the tasks he accomplished.
I had to smile because he is not alone. I could think of other leaders that very week who were also developing their leadership to be more focused on relationships. In fact, the very executive leader who supervises him has been working on and achieving success on a similar relational outcome.
Here are some tips for building stronger relationships:
Spend Time in Quiet Reflection
One of my coaching clients found this to be the most helpful tool she learned in the coaching process. She started the discipline of just being quiet for 10 minutes at the beginning of the day. This was very difficult for her at first. She is a quick thinker and is always moving forward quickly. However, by being quiet, she was amazed at the new ideas and opportunities that came to mind that she would have missed. It helped her to be more aware of relational insights that went a long way in building relationships with her team.
Craft an Affirmation
Affirmations are “I” statements that reflect a value that you see as important to yourself. You could write a statement that helps you focus on relationships. For example, “I believe in the value of each person” or “I am a good listener.” In place of an affirmation, some people will craft a written prayer about their desire to build strong relationships and will pray it throughout the day.
Remain Present
When our mind starts to think ahead about the future, we lose touch with the present. This often means we also lose relational touch with the people right in front of us. To bring yourself to the present, focus on physical sensations happening in your body right now. Take deep breaths and focus on your breathing or notice the sensations in your toes. Noticing physical sensations will bring you into the present moment.
Create a Mantra
Often when tension rises, we can become focused on the tasks at hand. Stress is very good at distracting us. A tool is to create a mantra that helps your mind to relax and therefore stay present with current relationships. For example, you might repeat in your mind, “Be still” or Listen,” until you are back to a state of quiet and clarity.
Notice Compassion and Empathy
A great way to build strong relationships is to cultivate empathy within yourself. People connect better with us when they sense a warmth from us. When you notice feeling compassion towards someone, allow yourself to stay in that moment. Soak in the empathy you are feeling.
Develop Self-Compassion
Sometimes we don’t connect well with others because we are spending too much time thinking critical self thoughts. If you want others to sense your warmth, make sure that you also have compassion for yourself.
Review Your Day
Often at the end of the day, we like to see what tasks we have accomplished. Instead of just reviewing what you got done, take time to notice any positive relational encounters during your day. When did you invest in relationships? Then take satisfaction in that.
Benefits will abound from your investment into relationships. You will have the satisfaction of more trusting relationships and the accomplishment of so much more together! Through investing in relationships, the impact of your leadership will multiply.