“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
“This doesn’t seem fair.” How often have you heard this statement? It immediately brings up thoughts of children (including myself as a child) expressing a disagreement about a decision by a parent. But we also see this in adults. Sometimes, it is said directly, but other times, it is held in and simmering in people’s thoughts. The workplace is not immune to this.
Sometimes, the right thing is happening, but we may need access to the bigger picture to see it. Other times, our culture pulls us into the comparison game, where we think other’s lives are all great. Then we compare it to our life and feel the unfairness.
Growing up, we learn that wrong behavior is punished, and good behavior gains reward. A child doing their chores at home receives praise from their parents. A person who doesn’t study for their test at school gets a poor grade. We learn a pattern of stimulus and response.
However, life does not continuously operate according to this formula of positive equaling reward and negative leading to consequence. In the greater reality of this world, life is unfair at times. What is unjust will, at times, prosper. The good goes through adversity. So, we need to help ourselves and others develop a more critical way of thinking about our complex world.
As a leader, how do we help ourselves and others do this? Here are some behavior, mindset, and character tips:
Behavior: Open Communication
Include the why: When making a decision, giving direction, or providing feedback, include the why. When we get in a hurry with our busy days, we can go into the mode of just getting the task done. When people don’t understand what is behind a direction, they can make assumptions that may not be true, which can also lead to feeling it is unfair. The more we explain the reasoning behind our communication (including our why), the more it will help people avoid making up their assumptions in the vacuum of the unknown.
Correct without Shame: People need to know when something is incorrect. They also need to hear when something is done right. Just as others can make assumptions about our decisions without explaining our why, we can make assumptions about others’ knowledge and reasoning for an action. So, when correcting another, approach first by seeing the person and not just the mistake. Seek to understand what led to their activity. Then, create a space for them to learn. Ask questions, listen, and guide.
Mindset: Curiosity
Be careful not to get trapped in rumination about unfairness. When we feel slighted, it can lead to powerful emotions. Ruminating in those emotions for too long can lead to acting out in anger or withdrawal into depression.
Instead of replaying it, switch your mind to questions that can lead to being proactive. What can I control in this situation? What could be another perspective of this circumstance? How can I take action within my values to address this? How do I engage my purpose with my strengths and passion to have an impact? Is there something I can do for others? Is there something I need to learn for my development?
Character Development: Hope
Sometimes, we can identify where an injustice has happened and address it. Other times, we may be in an adverse time and not have answers. Where does your hope come from? For some, this connects to a spiritual faith. Others find hope in gratitude that helps remind them of the good in our world. Others find hope in seeing the possibilities in the future. It could be taking a deep breath and settling yourself in the moment.
One way we can learn about hope is through others’ stories. Think of someone you admire and ask them how they have found hope. If you have a mentor at work, ask them how they have had hope even in challenging times at work.
Book Recommendation: If you want to go deeper into finding hope, even in adversity, I recommend Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
So, how will you respond the next time you feel something is unfair? Is there a new mindset, behavior, or character development that you want to apply?