Authenticity is your most precious commodity as a leader.”
– Marcus Buckingham
I was attending a social gathering with some new friends when I mentioned that I am an introvert. One of the other women responded with surprise and relief, commenting that she is an introvert, too. She is a leader in her workplace and mentioned wanting to know more about how I navigate being a leader as an introvert.
Have you ever had a similar experience where you felt that some aspect of you makes you different and, therefore, how you need to navigate work or life is unique? I want to let you know that this is true for all of us. We all have parts of ourselves that feel like they ” fit in” and other aspects that may feel “odd to others.” This is part of being a unique person. No one is exactly like you.
You bring your best self to all aspects of life when you are willing to be your authentic self. Another word for authentic is genuine. A fashion designer knows when someone has made a “knock-off” of their original design. This is because they created it and know the ins and outs of the piece they designed. The same can be true for us as people. We need to know the design of who we are. Many tools and methods can help you discover more of your design, and I have past articles that discuss this. But in this article, I want to address a central root issue for us to be authentic.
As a unique design, are you operating out of your “authentic” or “knock-off” self?
Neuroscience has shown that we operate out of different parts of our brain. When your limbic system is engaged, the survival part of yourself is in control. Things like pain, fear, and stress trigger this side of the brain. It is a warning system that we may be facing danger. But if we stay active in this part of the brain, it may sabotage us because the way our brain tells us to cope may not be effective for the situation.
I find that this part of the brain often keeps us from being our authentic selves because an old wound has been triggered. We are too engaged in fighting, fleeing, or freezing to think thoroughly and bring our full selves. Instead, we cope in myriad ways that keep our authentic selves from being seen. Go to this link to assess some examples of how this may happen for you.
Let wounds inform you, not drive you.
I was talking with a leader who was thinking through his presentation on an important topic. I could hear his passion because the subject he was teaching had been taught to him in a damaging way in the past. Can you relate? Maybe you had a previous leader who managed poorly. I often hear leaders talk about mentors they want to model and NOT model. Often, those negative experiences have strong emotions attached to them.
This is an example of how a past negative experience (wound) can trigger us. As leaders, we need to be self-aware of what can influence us on the inside. We want these wounds to inform us but not drive us.
So this leader realized he wanted his past negative experience to inform his presentation but not consume the focus of the presentation. How he was taught in the past was not how he wanted to teach. This is an example of being informed. But he had to not keep his brain ruminating on the past hurt. Instead, he moved his brain to curiosity and innovated how to address this topic in a new, better way. This way, his presentation kept on focus and was highly effective. Most importantly, it allowed him to present and be present with others in his true, authentic self.
Summary
This week, I caught myself reacting to a situation from a wound. I then had to consciously move myself to let it inform but not drive me. Being our authentic selves is a continual process. It takes mental fitness to show up with our best selves. As leaders, many people count on us to lead, make decisions, interact, and drive initiative from this authentic place. What next step will you take to be your authentic self?