“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”
– Albert Einstein
Have you had to navigate any conflicts or miscommunications this past month? Have you had any learning experiences through a conflict or miscommunication? In last month’s article (Steps for Assessing and Resolving the Root of Conflict: Part I), we discussed the value of taking a step back to get a “balcony view” when a conflict or miscommunication happens. There may be a root cause that, if we take the time to discover it, will lead to a lasting solution and even a gift to the team in getting better at reaching their goals.
We discussed four categories to explore. The last article overviewed Goals and Roles. In this article, we will review the next two categories, Rules and Relationships. As a reminder, we were navigating this topic through a “case study” of a leader who was facing conflict within her team.
This is her story: A leader explained her frustration with her team not taking ownership of projects. She felt burned out by the weight of constantly pushing the team forward. Some team members would argue with her, others were ambivalent, and none were moving forward. She felt the conflict around her, sometimes with the team against each other, and at different times, the team forming small groups to connect, but only to complain. It felt like pushing a boulder up a hill.
Let’s look at what she learned when reflecting on Rules and Relationships:
3. Rules: What is the culture that you are intentionally nurturing?
Our culture is reflected in our core values, which are lived out in our behaviors. Culture is more than words. It is picked up from others in how you live and interact each day. Clear rules can define it, but it is believed and followed because of the unspoken norms that are seen each day.
Culture can be easily overlooked because it resides more in the unseen. We like our objectives, performance goals, and data, but all of that can come to a grinding halt if we don’t nurture our culture.
The leader I described in the previous article was working for an organization that was pursuing a culture change. This included adopting a leadership style that empowers its employees rather than directing every aspect of the project’s execution. This leader was accustomed to the “old culture” of simply telling people what to do and then expecting them to do it. However, she saw the benefits of this new culture. She was working long hours because she was managing everything and wanted the team to share the responsibilities with her.
To change the culture, she had to change herself first. She worked to move from a controlling mindset to a curious mindset. When this became apparent in her behavior, she started to notice that she was asking questions more often rather than telling her team. This shift in her was a pivotal moment in shifting the culture in her team.
- Are your core values aspirational or truly lived out?
- Can you name actual stories of the team displaying your culture?
- Is the conflict due to someone not living the core values in their behaviors?
- Are your systems supporting your culture or working against it?
4. Relationships: How well do you know yourself and your team?
Relationships are the glue that holds the team together. You can have a great mission, vision, core values, and goals, but if you are missing the “connective tissue” of relationships, you will have a bunch of silos working inefficiently and sometimes even against each other.
We all have different backgrounds, family experiences, talents, passions, and personalities. The leader I mentioned previously realized she grew up in a family culture that was “just do and don’t ask questions.” As she reflected, she could also see this connection to her ethnic background and its reinforcement in the community where she grew up.
With this understanding of herself, she became curious and intentional about learning the unique aspects of each person on her team. It flowed out into her behaviors, including thinking before she spoke, asking questions to understand the why behind others’ thinking, and then listening to inform her on how to lead.
- How self-aware are you, and how socially aware of your team are you?
- What practices in your thinking and actions are you living each day to build relationships with others?
- Where might there be conflicts because of assumptions and misunderstandings about each other?
Summary:
Leading a team is an excellent opportunity and a challenge, which can include conflicts. There are multiple levels of dynamics to keep aware of. This includes the vision, mission, and rationale behind rolling it out into specific objectives and goals. There is also the aspect of systems that are displayed in the roles we carry out, as well as rules, policies, and procedures. And then there is the culture, based on values, but lived out in behaviors and norms that hold us together. Additionally, there are relationships that serve as the catalyst and glue that hold the whole system together.
Great leaders learn to maintain an awareness that all these dynamics are at play. They take time to step back and be intentional in nurturing these dynamics, and also to pay attention when gaps form, to be curious about the opportunity to realign. This is a lot, and that’s why we have a team, each with their specialties and perspectives that help us navigate through this together.
In next month’s article, we will continue our exploration of assessing and resolving the root of conflict from an additional angle. For now, what has resonated with you in this article, whether a story, an application, or a question? What is one action step you will take?