Have you ever been excited about a promotion, but then also at the same time experienced emotions of anxiety and self-doubt? This can be a very common reaction for leaders as they transition to a greater position of responsibility. You are not alone, but also don’t ignore the tension inside of you. This is also a time of important opportunity to pay attention and be self-aware. The tension that you are feeling can help you be prepared to be a better leader at this new level of leadership.
We can hold myths or assumptions about what makes us successful as a leader. We cling to these thought and behavior patterns because we have a false assumption that they make us successful. However, they may only help us seem to succeed so far and can become a hindrance in helping us succeed at a new level of leadership.
Today, I would like to share about one of these false beliefs. I would like to walk you through an understanding of this belief system through the story of Mike. Maybe you might be able to relate?
A Mindset that Will Hinder Your Ongoing Success
Mike is excited about his promotion, but also feeling anxious about the greater span of responsibility and people to lead. He had felt confident in his previous role, but now he is questioning himself. He has noticed that the level of anxiety he is feeling is much greater than ever before. This new role is pushing the development of his leadership skills outside his comfort zone and to a new level. As Mike discusses his awareness of this with me, we identify that he is putting intense pressure on himself to “not mess up” as he is growing in this role.
Mike likes making things better. This is a natural part of his leadership drive and has also led to successful outcomes in the past. As we explore what Mike thinks helps him to make things better, he identifies a belief that being self-critical helps him improve things. Mike is not alone. I often will hear leaders who say that “they are hard on themselves.” When making a mistake, they might have thoughts such as “I am stupid, incompetent, etc.” When a failure happens, they condemn themselves. They then think that by condemning themselves this motivates them to make things better and hence leads to success.
However, this can also lead to negative impacts on their team because often this thinking then overflows to being critical of others too. These are thoughts that often make the mistake personal, such as “my team is lazy, incompetent, etc.” They may or may not say these thoughts out loud, but it still impacts the stress level of the team as they work through a problem situation.
A Better Mindset to Motivate Success
Is there a better way to motivate continuous improvement and making things better? Mike has a natural drive and motivation to make things better. This is often true of many leaders. It is why they like to lead to bring about improved results towards a vision. As Mike explored this, we discussed a change in mindset. When a mistake happens, Mike could choose to be motivated by his passion to make things better, without any self-critical thoughts.
This also has a positive impact on the team because they are then being motivated by a leader with passion instead of by anxiety. As Mike reflected, he thought of leaders who have led by passion instead of anxiety and the powerful impact it has had on team’s he has been a part of.
How Do We Overcome the Pattern of Self-Critical Thoughts?
It sounds like a great idea to be motivated by passion instead of self-critical thinking. However, it is also a process of changing a habit. One practice to help in this habit change is to use self-compassion. Think of a friend who is sharing with you a mistake that they have made. Often, our response is to extend them compassion. We do not berate them for their mistake but instead encourage them in who they are and the hope of how a mistake can be overcome.
The practice of self-compassion is writing down all the things you would say to a friend when you extend them compassion. Now, when you make a mistake, it is practicing saying those same words to yourself. This will take practice, but it is an effective method of habit change with critical thinking.
So, can you relate to Mike? Mike now must make a choice. Is he going to continue in his mindset that being critical is what makes him successful? Or, is he going to move to a new way of thinking that connects to the powerful energy of his passion and positive drive as a leader? How about you? Do you have any false assumptions and habits of thinking that you need to change?