“How are you?” This is one of the most frequent questions we get asked. And yet it is also one of the most loaded questions that we get asked. The typical answer that we hear is “fine.” But often it may not be the full truth.
So, “How are you?” Really think about it. A first response is to think about our physical health. If we have a pain in our body, we go the doctor to get it checked out. We also go to the doctor for wellness check-ups. Even organizations realize the benefits of keeping their employees physically healthy instead of having to pay for fixing health problems. The organization that my husband works at is now offering employees money if they don’t smoke.
But, I think ‘how are you’ goes much deeper than this. A big determinant of ‘how you are’ is your relational health. If you have a dysfunctional relationship with another person, it can have a big toll on your time and energy. In conversations with this person, you can walk away feeling frustrated and depleted.
Now apply this to an organization or team. The time and energy depletion only becomes multiplied. Now you can have teams of people working against other teams of people. Just like a disease, it can become devastating to the organization’s health. Even though relational health is so important, it ironically tends to be the area we ignore the most.
Why? -Because we want an easy fix and answers that can be quantified. However, relational health does not fit into a simple, neat box. Organizations have to be dedicated to a rigorous process to maintain health. And, as individuals we have to be dedicated to personal responsibility.
I saw this recently with a client, who is in the midst of defining a new culture. She was frustrated by the poor communication within her team. She already knew the problem, which was everyone was holding onto their own agendas instead of what was best for the team.
However, she was looking at these frustrations as a problem instead of an opportunity. By using these problem situations, it gave her a platform to speak truth and reveal the need for the new culture. Each time she confronts a person with a behavior that does not fit the new culture; she is beginning to change the culture.
So,”How are you?” No, really, “How are you?” How would you rate on a scale of 1 to 10 the relational health of your organization, team or even family? What are your core values? Are they being lived out in your behavior? Do you confront behavior that does not fit? If you have a good relational culture, what are you doing to maintain that culture?