“Out of intense complexities, intense simplicities emerge.” – Winston Churchill
Mary sat across from me feeling perplexed. She had read my article on “How to Flow in Leadership.” She is a passionate leader with a clear vision, but she was feeling depleted. She knew that if she continued on the road she was on, she would burn-out. In the article, she read about “maintaining her well” – the importance of finding ways to refill herself up as a leader. But she felt at a loss with how to make this happen.
She listed all the ways she tried to be disciplined to develop herself, but then felt like she failed. She knew the consequences of not following through and felt desperate and stuck. She thought that there must be some magic formula out there to help her to be disciplined.
Have you ever felt like Mary? It is common to face a challenge that we know needs to happen, and then think that sheer will power will help us to change. But there is another way. The answer lies in understanding and applying intentional effort versus disciplined effort.
Are You Intentional or Disciplined?
The definition of discipline is training to act in accordance with rules. When you try to change a behavior by discipline, you create a set of rules to follow to make it happen. For example, Mary is a very vivacious person who loves being around people and helping others. But she also knew that she needed time to take care of herself. So she thought that she needed to be disciplined by creating a rule that she would spend time reading every day to give herself input. She could schedule it on her calendar and be disciplined to make it happen. However, she would eventually lose effort to keep going. Then she would feel guilty and just give up.
The definition of intentional is being done with intention or on purpose. Being intentional is not about being governed by a rule. Instead, it is about leading yourself by what is most important. So, I asked Mary, “What is most important?” This led to a discussion that pointed Mary back to her purpose. Mary knew that her purpose was to lead by speaking into others. As Mary explored this, her energy increased. She now knew that she needed to develop herself by speaking to herself the very words of encouragement that she gives to others. This was truly the root of how she needed to develop herself.
What Motivates You More – Being Intentional or Disciplined?
When we set our focus to be disciplined we act out of obligation and duty. You get the job done but you lose the heart. I have seen this often with people who are very strong in will. In fact, they look very successful. They have accomplished much. But on the inside they feel unfulfilled. There are also people similar to Mary, who try act out of duty, but can’t keep it up and just feel like a failure.
When we act out of being intentional, we act out of choice. Because something is so important to us, we choose to make it a priority. Instead of starting with the will, you start with the heart. You then choose to bring the will into alignment with the heart to make it happen. The heart is a natural energy source that will propel you in the right direction.
How being Intentional and Disciplined Work Together
When you act out of being intentional, you flow. When you act out of only being disciplined, you strive. Often, when we face a problem our first inclination is to devise a set plan of tasks to get to a solution. This results in a set of disciplined rules to follow to get there, and we find ourselves striving. Instead, we need to take a step back and look at the big picture. What is most important? We need to dig deeper through questions to get to the true root of the issue. This shows us how to be intentional.
This is similar to how Mary focused on what is most important to help her define a solution to her problem. When she identified that it was to speak encouragement over herself, she knew deep down it was the answer. It felt like relief. Now Mary needs to find a rhythm to implement her solution. It is not enough to just identify it; we also need to apply it. This is where discipline and being intentional work together. As Mary set to be intentional everyday with speaking encouragement to herself, a natural discipline of making this happen flowed. Instead of following a set rule to make it happen, she was drawn to replenish herself by words and when feeling depleted she knew what she needed.
Are you being intentional or disciplined? A key step to being intentional is to know your purpose. This is true for individuals as well as for organizations. Once you know your purpose, this helps to clarify what is most important. You can then become intentional in following in alignment. How will you start to become more intentional today?