The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful. To be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I was in a deep sleep, but I became restless. My physical senses were trying to get my attention that something was not right. I noticed a noxious smell. Then suddenly my brain registered the smell of a skunk. I jumped out of bed and started to close the windows in my house. Unfortunately, the odor that had gotten in remained, but at least I had stopped the increase of the foul smell.
This is how negativity can begin to work in our lives. We start to complain about this and that. We become irritable in our perspective of other’s actions. We emphasize the negative circumstances in our lives. Then it progresses to a consumption of time spent ruminating on the negative. Next, it flows outwards in critical speech to others. It is like a noxious odor that starts out slowly but then builds in intensity.
Negativity will drain us of our time, energy and relationships. It never leads to a productive outcome and only makes us unproductive! Here are some tips to “shut the windows” on the noxious odor of negativity:
Embrace a Perspective of Acceptance
We have choice in how we label our circumstances. Do we see problems or opportunities? Last week I was talking with an Executive Director who was facing on-going conflict with a team member. In situations like these, we are all prone to label the people and situation as bad. But, from a broader perspective the situation is not good or bad, it just is. As this leader reflected on this situation, she realized how it was helping them as a team to confirm and articulate their culture and what they value. It was also helping her to refine her strengths as a leader.
We can become prone to react only to the circumstance in front of us, but the gold is in the perspective beneath the surface. Be careful to not become hooked by the emotional reactivity of a situation. Instead accept it and look for the broader perspective.
Be In-tune with Your Emotions
Sometimes we can tie negativity to a direct situation, but other times it just seems to seep into our lives from multiple directions. We may have multiple small stresses that are just compounding. We don’t even notice it is happening until one day we have a blow up of negativity.
Being in-tune with our emotions on a continual basis can save us a lot of heartache. I learned a helpful exercise from John Ortberg’s book, The Me I Want to Be. Ask yourself daily two questions: Am I growing more easily irritated? Am I growing more easily discouraged? These questions will help you to reflect if you are moving towards negativity or instead living in love and peace.
Practice Gratitude
One of the most effective ways to obliterate negativity is to be thankful. You cannot by thankful and negative at the same time. Practicing gratitude is a step of action that directly changes our perspective. It is concrete, requires no time or money, and has all the benefits. All it requires is a choice to practice it.
Practice Compassion for Self and Others
Another hook that draws us into negativity are failures. We can berate ourselves and others with critical thoughts and words when mistakes happen. The better choice is to practice compassion. We are not perfect. Instead, we are called and designed as humans to learn and to grow.
A deeper step is also to practice forgiving self and others. We need to not hold on to the negativity of the past failure. This kind of negativity only locks us in a prison of bitterness that hurts and holds us back. We need to make amends and grow forward in character.
Engage Your Full Self in Relationships
Another hook of negativity is when we hold onto an arsenal of past hurts that then seep out into our relationships with others. This can lead to gossip, sarcasm and a fog of negativity around us that is palatable to others. Soon others will avoid us, or we will attract others that will only make our cynicism go deeper and lead to our ill health. It can even lead to an entire negative cultural shift of a team, which will produce poor productivity.
The remedy instead is to be authentic and transparent in relationship with others. We need to treat each other with honesty and respect. If someone frustrates or hurts you, then speak to them directly about it. Don’t talk to other people about it. Don’t make an off handed comment or joke to them about it. Instead respect yourself by owning how you feel, stating the impact of the situation upon you and asking for what you need. Then also show respect to others by listening to them and understanding their perspectives.
When we overcome negativity, we end up living well. Happiness is a reaction to circumstances, but true joy comes from an internal place that circumstances cannot impact. Don’t let negativity steal your joy. Make a decision today to choose all of the resources within you to protect your joy and to shut the window on negativity.