Life can be stressful with challenging work projects, family activities and unexpected circumstances that can add one more thing to our day. I have noticed many people speaking to me of weariness. They are in transitions with work or personal relationships, dealing with illnesses and long hours. Can you relate?
We can know the importance of self-care, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, exercise and hobbies. These are all good and needed, but sometimes it can feel like one more thing in our day. They are a priority, but there is also a way to combat stress that we can simply do in the moment. This is mindfulness with a focus on acceptance.
Jill Suttie shares in her article, The Mindfulness Skill That Is Crucial for Stress, a research study that shows the power of acceptance. People who practiced Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction that included acceptance experienced a greater reduction in stress. Other research has also shown how acceptance can help people to be less reactive with stress, such as lower blood pressure.
What is Acceptance?
Acceptance is allowing yourself to be in the present-moment experience without labeling it and accepting it “as it is.” It is being non-judgmental of the circumstance and not labeling the thought, feeling, experience as good or bad.
I can give an example from my own life. I was feeling weary with relationships. When a friend would text asking if we could talk, I felt a resistance. Scheduling to have lunch with another person felt like just another task to get done. This feeling of weariness was also hard for me because I love and value people. I felt at dissonance with a core value of my life.
As I reflected, I realized that I was labeling some relationships as good, bad or indifferent based on my experience of interactions with each person. I was putting a certain outcome that I wanted to have with each relationship. Practicing acceptance lifted the weight I was feeling. I started practicing accepting each relationship with its frustration and the level of connection with that person “as it is” versus labeling my frustration or even the relationship as good or bad.
What Acceptance is Not
We have lots of opportunities to apply acceptance. Acceptance is not giving up to “fate” or accepting poor behavior from others. Acceptance is being able to accept our own internal experience in response to the external things around us.
A leader was in a conflictual relationship with a colleague. She realized that she had labeled him as an obstacle instead of seeing him as a person. Often as we change our attitude and perspective towards another person, the other person will also soften and change their attitude towards us. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes the other may even resist more towards our positive attitude.
She was becoming weary as she kept her attitude open towards this person, even though they showed resistance. She needed to engage acceptance. She could accept her frustration (not label as good or bad). This then allowed her to choose how she wanted to continue to respond with greater clarity. She could also accept the situation as it is and feel empowered by what she can control which is herself.
So, are you feeling weary? Acceptance is a research backed tool that can help you overcome stress. Where can you apply acceptance in your own life today?