“When you are present and available, people have a desire to offer you their authentic self. All you have to do is ask. No one keeps a secret. No one. And they might be resistant initially to telling you something, but eventually they’ll give you their whole life story. And it’s because of people’s desire to be seen.”
– Julianne Moore
“It feels like I am jumping out of an airplane and free falling into the air,” Mike said. Mike had been recently promoted to an executive level position. He was describing the excitement, nervousness, and anxiety about moving into a new position. He felt the privilege and the responsibility amid walking into the unknowns of a position he had not done before.
Have you ever felt that mixture of excitement to anxiety when moving into something new? We explored Mike’s metaphor of free falling. What would be Mike’s perspective if he was in the state of free falling from a plane? He stated that he would gain clarity about when to release his parachute 😊, but also as he rested in that state, he would be amazed at what he could see. From that high vantage point, he would be able to see new opportunities and gaps in the organization. He then felt excited about the possibilities of what he could lead.
But then, he reflected on “how” he would lead. He thought back to past career position moves. Each of those moves were new with unknowns, but he also grew and became competent in them. What had helped him to succeed? He identified a core value of focusing on relationships that was a theme.
If you were to think back to past successful transitions in your life, you might identify other values that helped you to navigate well. Today, I would like us to explore the “how” of focusing on relationships, and one of the most important skills for this is being present.
Being Present
Anytime we move to greater levels of leadership, it becomes more about our ability to influence than to just get the job done ourselves. Being your best as a leader is more about a state of being your genuine self in relationship with others than just doing. You can have a great meeting agenda, but if you are not in the right state, you will not connect well with your team. You will struggle to keep them as a focus because of your own internal distractions.
Let’s look at 3 areas of self-awareness along with a tip for each for overcoming distractions so that we remain present and focused.
Body
Your body can impact your ability to be present. My number one tip is to keep your body position open. This means to keep shoulder back with arms not crossed. Let your body expand and relax. Try it right now and just breathe in that space. Can you feel the difference?
Amy Cuddy is a Harvard professor who has done extensive research in this area. She says, “Expanding your body physiologically prepares you to be present; it overrides your instinct to fight or flee, allowing you to be grounded, open and engaged.” (Presence, p. 223) So, an action step is to intentionally practice keeping an open body posture. It will automatically help you to be present.
Emotions
Have you ever been told to ignore something, but then it seems like your brain wants to focus on it more? When trying to be focused, we intuitively know that we will need to not pay attention to other things. When being present, it is important to be in a state of calm and not distracted by anxiety, which can kick in the instinct to fight or flee. So, we often think that if emotions are being distracting, we should just ignore them. But instead of this helping us to be more present and focused, it backfires. It is like the emotion has to leak out some way. And, often when emotions come out through the backdoor, it is not in a positive way.
So, to be present, my tip is to NOT ignore emotions. Make note of the tension you are feeling. Where is it in your body? How would you label the emotion? Just acknowledge it. You may not be able to fully explore the reasons behind the emotion right then but tell your brain you will explore later.
Mind
What triggers you to be distracted and not present? At the beginning, I shared about Mike. His thought trigger was all the unknowns he would be facing in the new position. This then led to feelings of fear and then questioning if he could be enough to lead well. Since his thought trigger was the unknowns, he found that he could gain assurance by changing his thoughts to a focus on what he does know. For example, he has succeeded in career transitions in the past; He has a great team and is not alone; He is curious to see the opportunities to enhance sustainability.
As Mike spent time reflecting on what he did know, which is more truths about who he is and who his team is, you could see the shift in his confidence and his presence.
Being present is an everyday opportunity and tool at your fingertips. You cannot control circumstances and other people. But the one thing you can control are things within yourself, which includes presence. You may find it to be one of your most important tools in life, relationships and in leadership. What will you apply today to be more present?