“The irony is that we attempt to disown our difficult stories to appear more whole or more acceptable, but our wholeness – even our wholeheartedness – actually depends on the integration of all of our experiences, including our falls.”
– Brene Brown
I am going to state to you what may seem like a contradictory statement: You are enough, and you are also not enough. A central path to leading well in all areas of our life is understanding what this statement means to you.
You Are Enough
You were created and wired for meaning and purpose. There is no one else in the world exactly like you. The very essence of your personhood gives you value. You first must believe that you have value for just being you.
Sometimes what holds us back is a fear of demonstrating who we are with all of our strengths, talents and giftings that can make the world a better place. We can shrink back because we think that the positive value of who we are is not enough. But this is a lie that grows into a fear that keeps us from our potential. Reflect on this quote from Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure… Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around us … As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
What is unique about you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually that can be a light? What life experiences do you bring that can be a story of enlightenment? What communities of people are you a part of that brings hope?
I want you to know that in the depths of your personhood you are valuable and enough.
You Are Not Enough
Wait a second! You just built me up to tell me that I am enough, and now you are saying I am not enough! Life is full of paradoxes and continuums. It is in navigating what can seem like a paradox or mystery that we come to new levels of understanding and transformation.
Just like we can have a fear of the power contained in being enough, we can also have a fear of our limitations or not being enough. Just like you have inherent value in simply being a wonderfully created amazing human; You also have innate limitations simply because you are human.
I often see leaders letting their light shine to have impact. However, because of results of impact, there is a slippery slope we all easily fall into. We begin to think that the results of our impact are what is making us enough. This is reinforced by a culture around us that gives accolades and measures us by those results. But this is not who you are. This is not what makes you enough.
Because of this, we then run from anything that might show that we have limitations. For example, we may struggle to set boundaries with others or to tell others, “no.” We may keep up an insane schedule trying to fit every meeting, event and activity into our calendar. In doing this we think we are protecting the reputation of our value, but instead we are losing out on recognizing an amazing gift. It is the gift of acknowledging, owning, and voicing when we are not enough.
Last night my mind was going over and over a problem that ultimately, I had no control over. To meet my goal or outcome of success and to be enough, I thought I had to make it happen. But eventually I had to stop my ruminating mind. The gift came in accepting my limitation. I owned that I can’t control this. What I can provide, even though limited, is enough. And in letting go of the outcome, came peace. And also, me being a better me.
Summary
How are you living in the tension of being enough and not enough? A good reflection point is to ask yourself, what is driving you? If fear is driving you, this will hamper your best self – your leading well, your decision making, your very own well being. Being enough and not enough are both gifts. It is a gift to give our unique person, power, and light. It is also a gift to embrace our limitations, and therefore the creativity and abundance that goes beyond ourselves in this. We are not alone. There are also other people and resources who are enough and together we make something even better.