“However, there is a difference between handling hardship and handling it well. The difference lies in a person’s ability to remain relational, act like themselves, and return to joy in spite of hardship.”
– Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder
Every day we can face overwhelming and calming times. For myself, I find that I operate my best when I am in a state of calm along with being alert and aware. I can think clearly and creatively with wisdom. I bring my whole self to the present situation that is authentic, and I feel at ease being myself. What does it look like for you when you live your best self?
What can throw me out of being my best and whole self is often fear. There are many things that can trigger fear. High pressure and high-stake situations can be a boiling pot to produce fear. If we are already worn down physically, mentally, and emotionally, this does not help our resilience. In addition, there is the human interaction dynamic where how others are responding may also trigger our own reactions.
Being able to handle hardship well is a critical aspect of being a leader. In their book, Rare Leadership in the Workplace, Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder look at how brain science and leadership coincide. There are many aspects that can work to bring us to be our whole and better self. But sometimes, we just need a place to start. Warner and Wilder describe practical tips for quieting your brain:
Breathing
Deep breathing is a great way to help the nervous system to slow down. In overwhelming situations, you may have already experienced people telling you or others to take deep breaths. This is a common way to help people calm down. It is helpful to do this during high stake situations.
But it is also beneficial to practice even when not in a threatening situation. An idea is to take deep breaths as a routine and habit in your day. Maybe it is as you walk into your workplace or sit at your desk. You can also use a visual to help. Warner describes a technique of imaging smelling soup and then blowing on the soup. What kind of visuals would help you to focus on breathing in deeply and then exhaling?
Exaggerating
Have you ever been having an intense emotional reaction and then had someone tell you to just calm down? Does this really help you? If you are like me, probably not. I just feel more frustrated, and it may intensify the pressure in me.
When our emotions are already high, what can help is a paradox – something we think would be the opposite of what we should do. The technique is to exaggerate the emotion first with physical elements. To do this, you will want to go someplace private. Warner gives an example of what to do when you’re angry. You may clench your fists and flare your nostrils to intensify the emotion more. Then practice deep breathing and relaxing your hands and arms from the clenched state. You may want to repeat a few times.
When I feel anxious, going running or just doing something that spikes my heart rate can help me. I can then practice deep breathing as my heart rate slows down.
Soothing
What in your environment is soothing to you? Does the sight and smell of a candle help you? Do you have a favorite moisturizer or essential oil that feels calming and smells inviting as you rub it into your skin? You might have a favorite blanket that you can lay across your legs at your desk. I can think of a few foods that are soothing for me, but I must be careful about the impact on my waistline! 😊
Tensing
This is the practice of tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups. You can count to five as you tighten and then relax. A great advantage of tensing is the easy ability to do it anywhere. For example, you can tense your feet inside your shoes without people noticing. I like to use tensing if I wake up in the middle of the night to help me relax to go back to sleep.
Appreciation
This reminds me of the statement to “take time to smell the roses.” When you notice something that brings up appreciation within you, such as awe or gratitude, take time to soak in it. It could be a past memory, present moment, or a future event you are excited about. As I was writing this, it happened to be a sunny day with a blue sky and white clouds. It was good to just enjoy the light, the colors, the shapes of the clouds and movement. Warner and Wilder recommend to develop a daily habit of spending five minutes in a state of appreciation.
So, how do you plan to practice quieting your brain? It won’t create a miracle of making all hardships in life disappear. But it is a step of one thing that you can control, which is yourself. Use these tools as a beginning and foundational step towards creating a space to be your whole self.