“Without feedback there can be no transformative change.” – Brene Brown
When you think about a transformative time in your life, what was involved? Often when people speak of defining moments in their lives, it involves them facing and growing through a great challenge. You may be familiar with a recent popular book and movie called, Unbroken. The main character, Louie Zamperini, faced many overwhelming challenges in his life, but it also led to a life of great transformation.
We grow when we are challenged. Sometimes growth comes through circumstances, but growth can also come from people. One of the most valuable ways we can grow is through strong trusting relationships. A community of trusting relationships can make a powerful organization that can have mighty impact.
We help each other to grow by giving feedback. However, I often find that organizations fear feedback. As a coach, I am often asked to provide anonymous surveys and interviews so that a person can receive valuable feedback from their colleagues. There is often great apprehension and the need for anonymity is stressed. But, this makes me wonder. What would it be like to be a part of an organization where feedback is embraced, given freely and sought out? I believe that this would be an organization with a powerful culture of engaged people leading to innovation and mighty impact. So how do we build a culture like this?
Principles of a Transparent Feedback Culture
Normalize Discomfort
Often sharing feedback involves giving information that can make others feel uncomfortable. However, this is not bad or wrong. Growth involves change which means being stretched and therefore uncomfortable. Instead of labeling discomfort as bad and something to run from, we need to instead choose to normalize it. It is a regular part of life. Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly says, “The simple and honest process of letting people know that discomfort is normal, it’s going to happen, why it happens, and why it’s important, reduces anxiety, fear, and shame.”
Reinforce Vulnerability & Authenticity
Honest and open feedback also needs a culture that has a holding environment of vulnerability and authenticity. People often hide the truth because they fear retribution. Shaming types of behaviors must not be supported or allowed. Instead when people take the courage to share truth and be authentic, this behavior must be rewarded. What are the values of your organization? Connect how those values translate into behaviors that show authenticity and vulnerability. Reinforce when those behaviors happen.
How-to’s of Giving Feedback
Value Strengths
Feedback is not only about “hard conversations.” Giving feedback is also about complimenting and encouraging others. Make it a habit to point out what others do well. Don’t treat positive behaviors as though they are just expected and not worth mentioning. Take every opportunity to encourage.
Focus on people’s strengths. Often our liabilities are connected to a strength taken to an extreme. When having to give challenging feedback, also point out their strengths. I have a client who has a very valuable strength as an achiever. She works very hard and the job is done precisely. However, she also realizes that she can then set unrealistic expectations on others and micromanage. A helpful feedback session would point out the value of her strength, the challenge of her strength and where she needs to change or develop.
Get into the Other Person’s Movie
Each person in the exchange needs to be authentic. Truth must be shared with grace and care with the point of the common good. When getting ready to give another person challenging feedback, it can be common to put on our armor. We gear ourselves up for a fight. However, this puts us in the wrong mindset going into the feedback meeting. We build up walls and are not being authentic and vulnerable ourselves. The person receiving the feedback will sense the fear and become reactive to fighting or fleeing, which won’t lead to a common good outcome!
Rebecca Shafir in her book, The Zen of Listening, shares a technique that she calls “getting into the other person’s movie.” Before meeting with someone to give feedback, take time to imagine what it is like to be that person. What are they feeling? What are they facing in their own life? Look at their life as though it is a movie, a story that you are curious to learn about. This is a technique for practicing empathy. It will help you to be open instead of defensive and to listen well during the meeting.
Is it possible to build a culture where feedback in embraced? I believe it is. What steps can you take to move your organization towards open feedback? I think it is worth the challenge.