“Peace on Earth. Good will towards men (people).”
If you are familiar or exposed to Christian holiday traditions during December, you may have commonly heard the phrase above. You may have read it on a holiday card, heard it in songs or heard it used as a greeting. What jumps out to me are the words, “good will.” How are we really doing at extending good will towards others?
Good will, loving kindness and favor are also words used to describe the meaning of “grace.” Good will is an action, and grace is a deeper value and presence within us. At the end of the calendar year, we see generosity increase through the giving of money to causes and gifts to many people. But, good will and grace can go much deeper than this. How do we cultivate a deeper level of grace within us for the holiday season and throughout the year?
Being Gracious in Our Thinking
Trust is a foundation for teams. Do you want others to trust you? People can sense if you are genuine or not. Grace is a presence within us that creates trust with others. This grace is linked to how we think about others, which also flows into how we feel about others. This does not mean that we overlook poor behaviors. If someone is continually late with projects, they need to be confronted about that behavior. However, we focus on the behavior and don’t judge the internal value of the person. For example, we don’t label them as “lazy and ambivalent.” We can’t assume their intentions and then take things to a personal judgmental level.
Grace sees the intrinsic value in each person and does not see them as obstacles in our way. The next two points show us deeper ways to live this out.
Belief in the Potential of People
As a leader we can believe in a mission, but we can’t have the greatest impact without other people. One of the most important focuses of a leader is people. Just as we believe in a cause, we also need to believe in people. However, there is also the reality that people have gaps in reaching their potential. They can lack knowledge, skills and attitudes. We can’t ignore this. People are messy, and it is frustrating. And, we must hold them accountable.
However, amid challenging and helping them to gain the knowledge, skills and attitudes that they need, we can also choose our own internal disposition towards them. This requires extending grace. Grace is a focus on the potential and not just the lack in others. It is a hope and belief in this potential. People can sense if we are living in this grace with them.
A leader was sharing with me how they clearly saw a lack in another team member and because of this realized that she was distancing herself from this person. We discussed how she can still be honest about the gap that this person has and still believe in their potential. She was then able to engage with this person in authenticity.
Replace Traditions with Relationships
During the holidays we have a lot of traditions. In organizations, we can also have our traditions in the forms of systems and processes. Traditions provide comfort and efficiency. They are good and helpful. However, the shadow side of traditions is when they become so routine that we lose sight of how they are to serve a bigger purpose. Sometimes we can start to serve the tradition instead of the purpose.
When people begin to resist a tradition, sometimes our immediate reaction is to see the people as the problem. I saw this recently in an organization where the leadership was complaining how people were unwilling to serve on committees. The reaction was to label the people as “complacent, lazy, etc.” Instead, they needed to be asking what about their system of committees may not be working?
Grace is engaging in the relationships with people before first protecting the tradition. It is engaging in conversations to seek to understand the tension or resistance. Through this, new things can be learned, and relationships can be grown.
In summary, how can you give the greatest gift of grace in this holiday season and the year to come? You might be surprised by how changing your internal disposition to grace begins to change how others respond to you. It can be the best gift that you give to others and to yourself!