We are facing many challenges and transitions currently. With this, I have noticed many people having to engage in crucial conversations. There are many ideas, strategies, and decisions to be made. I have seen a theme of people searching how to be their best as influencers.
David Broockman is a UC Berkeley political scientist who has studied persuasion. His thoughts are captured in an article titled, How Deep Listening Can Make You More Persuasive. A great summary is in this quote, “When it comes to changing someone’s feelings about issues, he says, data are less compelling than human stories. Listening is more powerful than just talking. Accepting the other person, even if their ideas feel offensive, may open the door to constructive dialogue.”
So, I thought it would be helpful to look at how we can apply each of these components of persuasion.
Stories
Do you enjoy watching a movie or reading a novel? Each week people spend many hours watching TV, Netflix, etc. This is because we are drawn to stories. Stories connect to our emotions and open us up to ideas. We identify with the characters and join with them in their journeys. Stories are a powerful form of persuasion and aligning us with others.
The effectiveness of stories can be seen in fundraising in the Non-Profit sector. Research has shown that donors are more likely to give when outcome and impact indicators are shared rather than just output indicators. Output indicators tend to be straight numbers, such as the number of people served through an organization. Where outcome and impact indicators often have more of a story component to it. You see the long-term impact on the lives of people.
How can you use a story to connect with the heart of another person? Do you have a personal story or another person’s story that helps you to share your idea?
Listening
When people know they have been fully heard, they then become more open to hearing your point of view. When we only share our ideas, even if we have strategized all the best arguments or facts, people can easily turn us off. This is especially true if they do not feel understood.
You know you have fully listened when you can repeat back to a person a summary of what they said before giving your own ideas as a response. This shows the person that you have heard them and understand. Take time to ask questions and understand the other’s person’s point of view first. You will be amazed at how much more open they will be to listening to you.
How can you practice listening today?
Accepting
When people feel accepted, they become open to dialogue. It is through relationship and on-going conversations that influence happens. See them as a person with their own unique background and story instead of seeing their ideas as an obstacle and then viewing them as an obstacle too. Be curious.
I was recently talking with a leader who received an email request from a coworker. When he first read the request, his first reaction was to mentally label the person as being irresponsible and wanting him to do their work. But then he took a breath, became curious and saw another perspective. The person was not sure how to do the task and was just asking for help. By reaching out with seeking to understand, he built rapport with this other leader and made an investment in influence.
How can you use curiosity to create a space of acceptance and dialogue?
Being persuasive is a way of being with people. It is not about having a perfect argument or strategy. The more you connect with others, the more powerful influencer you will be.